One year ago on this day, and at this very time I dropped Drew off at his day program and headed to my brothers house. We had not heard from him in 24 hours (which wasn't like him). I had a bad feeling on that drive. Bad feelings grew stronger when I saw his car, and walked around his property for about an hour figuring out what to do. I called the police. We entered his home, and sadly Chris was no longer alive.
As I'm one to do, take anything at all positive out of the worst days, and I write. It brings me comfort, and of course I don't want people to ever forget my brother, Christopher Kozlowski.
Chris is gone, but...
What remains are the slow heavy sounds created and played by others that you masterfully mixed, crafted, engineered and recorded for others to enjoy.
What remains now are drives on the historic rolling hills through the town that will forever remind me of you.
Windy roads that lead to an old, weathered farmhouse that you made your own significant historical mark in.
Travel on roads simply to feel a connection to you.
What remains are memories of your huge heart for animals, especially for your cats, and how immense your love was for any creature you came in contact with.
What remains are the friends across the globe who miss your kindness, your expertise, your humor, your dedication, your patience, and your gifts.
What remains is a strong desire to live as you did hunting for treasures, and to come to appreciate the charm in the gems that you loved and surrounded yourself with.
What remains are the many projects you started, and will be finished and cherished so that you remain near.
What remains are the connections made with your friends, and those kind enough to include us even just a little into living your world before you left us. To hear the simple phrase, "Oh, I knew Chris....."
What remains are strangers who have come to know a little about you now that you're gone, and find it in their heart to honor you. A great gift.
What remains are unanswered
questions, and confusion that can never be settled, or put at ease, and even more heartbreaking the gnawing feeling that something could have been done.
What remains is a mom who misses her bright first son. A sister who misses her brother's silliness, chatter, and under the radar coolness. Brothers who miss their brother.
What remains is the bond between siblings that was regrettably weakened through the years that is now strengthened, but will forever be incomplete.
Who remain are your mom, sister, and brothers, nieces and nephews whose world forever changed one year ago today when you left us.
Still in disbelief.
Chris. You will always be with us.
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