MY HAIR.

The horrific story of my my mid forties HAIR…

I wanted to summarize my hair loss for my own reference.  If you don’t want to read the details then please stop reading here.

The last thing my doctor told me was, “believe me you won’t lose all of your hair”.  That was in September of 2015.  Prior to that appointment for a few months, I had been wearing a baseball cap every time I went out in public.  At that point, I had lost about 50% of my hair.  Most of my hair loss was on the back of my head and was now a noticeable bald patch clearly visible to anyone.  I was never really interested in fashion, or overly obsessed with my shoulder length straight brown hair before, but suddenly now I was an expert on hats, fancy earrings, scarves and anything to divert the attention away from my hair and my bald patches that were clearly visible to anyone who even looked my way.  A dear friend even asked her stylist to come to my home to try to do something with what little hair I had left.  I was desperate. 

I had been a regular patient of my dermatologist.  He had been treating me for severe eczema for over a year by then, but now (September of 2015) hair loss was my most pressing issue.  His diagnosis for me was “Alopecia” and again those words “believe me you won’t lose all of your hair”.  At this point I had been reading about hair loss and how a lot of the times it can happen without explanation.  Surprisingly though, my eczema had calmed down.  My skin was glowing.  Even harder for me was that now my hair was falling out, and it was happening quickly.  Only once did I agree to the “treatment” for partial hair loss – steroid injections in the scalp.  This treatment is typically for partial hair loss because the injections are given around the bald patch.  A small inch sized patch may take about 10 shots around the edge.  I was given shots on my original bald patch in the fall of 2015.  It wasn’t too painful, just uncomfortable and stressful.  At this point my plan was not to do any more shots if more hair fell out.

In the winter of 2015 baseball sized clumps of hair were in corners of my kitchen floor kind of like blowing tumbleweeds.  Our vacuum canister and clothes dryer vent also were full of clumps of my hair.  My kids found my hair in their food on a regular basis.  My shirt was always covered with long strands of my hair. The hair on my head would now fall easily on my arms or legs giving me the sensation of bugs crawling on my skin.  Taking a shower became an emotional experience.  I hated it.  Every time I showered hair would cover the drain.  Do I wash my hair, do I comb it?  All of these simple daily living issues were now major sources of stress for me.  Should I use special shampoos, special combs, and medicines?  There had to be something to stop my hair from falling out so drastically. 

Family and friends would claim, “You’re not losing your hair, don’t worry!”  I was told, stop combing you hair, stop wearing hats, you’re interfering with your hair growth, change your diet, try this special shampoo.  I visited several more doctors.  My endocrinologist and primary care doctors all ran blood work to rule out other issues.  Thankfully there were none.  Even showing my doctors my hair loss was a stressor.  Taking off my cap and revealing what little hair I had left was always met with a gasp from the nurses and doctors, even after my warning, “I’ve lost a lot of hair”.  Apparently, as common as I was reading Alopecia was, clearly these medical professionals hadn’t come across it too often. Thankfully no serious issues were found with all of the tests that were run.   These doctors also gave me the diagnosis of Alopecia and not simply natural hair thinning that comes as most of us age.  They told me there is no cure for Alopecia, that a lot of the time it’s your bodies way of reacting to stressful events, whether physical stressors or emotional.  My primary care doctor advised me that an anti-depressant might help. I declined because I wasn’t feeling stressed in any other way.

I went to a wig salon in January of 2016 and was fitted and purchased a wig.  I wore my wig most of 2016.  It received more compliments than my own hair ever did.  The day I came home with my new hair, was the day I realized that things would all be okay.  My wig was giving me a confidence that I had slowly lost.  It is just as easy to hate my wig though.  It’s hot.  It’s heavy and it’s always on my mind.  Is it going to move, or even worse come off of my head?   I am so thankful for my wig, but can’t wait to take it off of my head the minute I step into the privacy of my home. 

By the spring of 2016 what little hair I had left was completely gone.  The friends who I confided in would tell me, “just shave it, just shave the rest of your hair off”.  If you can imagine, the task of shaving off the last remaining strands of your hair isn’t an easy one.  It’s hard and sad and fully succumbing to any control I had left over my hair.  Spring of 2016 I only cut off the remaining long hair strands I had leaving a bit of a Mohawk hair style.  I wore my wig or a cap every time I went out in public.

By the middle of the summer of 2016 the little hair I cut a month or so was growing.  I had sort of a Mohawk on top with leopard spots of hair on the back of my head. 

And now my leopard spots have filled in and my new hair is growing in on what was once my smooth bald scalp, but the hair is gray – not brown.  At this time, the end of 2016, it seems I have a filling in complete head of black/gray hair.  MY HAIR IS GROWING!

Yet another massive hair transformation for me in over a year’s time, it’s not so easy to have so  many different hair styles over such a short period of time and always bringing attention to yourself when I would prefer to just blend  in with my original ho hum hair.  And finally, I am not sure if my hair will come back fully, and really I am not sure that I want it too.  I am not sure I can handle losing it all again. 
And below the lovely pictures to prove it all...

Most of my hair gone.

NOW really most of my hair gone..  August 2016

Wig - January 2016

 and  NOW... December 2016