"Mine"

Inside my bedroom closet chock full of my clothes you will find one of my greatest treasures, a tiny baby tee shirt. It is pure white with baby blue trimming around the collar. In the center there are two blue stars and the words, “mommy’s little star”. It is sized 3-6 months. It has been hanging there among my clothes since the summer of 2001. I look at it every single day.


Andrew, my son was two at the time I purchased that tee shirt. I thought it was just perfect for the son I was waiting to meet within the next few months. That fall, my second son Jacob was born and died within three days. I had so much grief, and seeing Jacob’s tee shirt hanging on a hanger instead of being worn by him was very difficult. So grief stricken, I could not anticipate the unexpected joy that was coming.

In May 2004, a healthy daughter came into my life. Amelia was born in the remote hills of Guatemala and we found each other. Two years later, another daughter blessed my life. Ava was also from Guatemala and just as Amelia’s arrival a few years earlier helped to heal my broken heart. Jacob’s death had brought me two precious girls that I needed, even more than they needed me. I learned I was pregnant in August of 2008, and this time with extra-ordinary care, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Jenna has graced my life.

That perfect tee shirt I purchased so long ago reminds me of the son I never got to know, and now because of him, I have experienced life in ways I would have never known.