Where I Stand

So, it's been about four weeks since we discovered I am pregnant again. I knew right away, even before taking the test. The test was taken anyway around the 8th of August, and no surprise it was positive. I could tell. Like I said I knew. I was very tired - falling asleep in the afternoons while watching my nephew, eating different than I normally do- (a conscious effort to eat all healthy stuff - especially fruit - not like me!).

Even with these symptoms, our past experiences have shown me that even with all of this, it doesn't mean that there is a baby with a beating heart growing inside of me. I waited a week or so knowing that the heartbeat doesn't show on a sonogram until about the sixth week. I had decided awhile ago that if I were ever faced with a possible pregnancy again - that I would see a different doctor, just for char ma sake. I called a doctor's office where I had gone after Jacob's death. I explained my past pregnancy history and they agreed to see me in a week. At this point only Dave and I knew. The news wasn't exciting to shout to the world, but scary. We did decide that we would tell our friends. Just so, we could vent to someone other than each other. We did. My mom and brother were traveling to Hawaii on August 26th. I couldn't tell my mom this news and worry her on her trip, so I didn't. That was hard. I tell her everything.

I did go to the doctor on August 28th at 2:45. The sonogram was done originally on my belly. The technician did not see anything, so she administered an internal sonogram. Before doing this she told me to wait until the doctor came in so that they wouldn't have to do the test twice. Of course I waited in that freezing office -mostly nude, forever. Why did I get myself in this predicament again? Lots more tests and worries. Oh my. The doctor did finally come in and introduced herself. The technician performed the sonogram. They both said right away, yep there's the heartbeat. Heartbeat? No way?!!.. Wow! maybe this time will be different.

Oh, I didn't write about my night before the appt. yet... I was reading my Redbook magazine at bedtime. I have stacks of magazines by my bed. I don't really read them that regularly with three kids and all, but I did open this magazine and read up until the horoscope page. Okay, I'm not really into horoscopes, but this was weird.... It said, for Taurus.." Focus on your goals, deliver on your promises, and you'll birth a dream. The planets are pregnant with possibilities around the 22nd. Even if something seems too good to be true, it isn't! Don't let your pride swell, and accept help that is offered to you. By month's end you'll be holding a healthy, bouncing dream come true! In feng shui , there is a code called the Heart Secret. The code promises you can have whatever you want it you think about it before bed and as you awaken. Every morning this month, say your wish aloud. It'll be the ultra-sound you need to make your dreams come true!" I couldn't believe it. I told Dave to read it next. It was shocking to me! I thought, oh maybe all the horoscopes have to do with babies and birth, but no. Just Taurus. Wow that was strange.

Okay, back to the appt. Well, after going over stacks of my records which I had brought into the doctor, she agreed that I would need to start Lovenox shots (a blood thinner) - administered twice a day into my abdomen. While getting my explanation on how to administer myself a shot- Dave called. I told him. There's a heartbeat. He was a bit worried to say the least. I was a bit worried about giving myself shots twice a day. Yikes.

On, to one week later and 14 stinging Lovenox shots later. Oh yeah, and many bruises (14 to be exact) on my belly- the second sonogram appt. -September 5th at 11:30am. This time I had company. Andrew and Amelia were in school, so Ava and I nervously waited for another sonogram. Okay, Ava wasn't nervous. She was her cute self, always wanting to be the one "doctored" as she would say. Once again, a baby with a heartbeat and growing to match how many weeks I was on the sonogram. 7wks and 4 days. Oh my. I couldn't believe it. I got the sonogram picture to prove it. The doctor suggested I come back at 10 weeks for the next standard pregnancy tests and at that point we would also do a standard ob/gyn pregnancy exam. So, now to wait for 2 weeks.

At this point, this is where things stand.