The Weekend

It's been two years since we brought our Ava home - September 27, 2006.

I'm 11 weeks pregnant today.

It rained most of the weekend, so we didn't get outside too much. We had our extended family over for dinner last night. Dave's uncle and aunt, cousins, kids, dad & mom, brother & family. The last two get togethers like this here have been nice - a lot of people, but everyone brings the food, paper plates, drinks and I just partake in eating. I asked Dave after everyone left if I looked "fat". Our family (except for Moms & Dad) don't know that I am pregnant. He said, "no, but I looked a little heavy around the middle, and my legs looked heavier with my vericose veins sticking out more, but no, no one would have noticed"......Hmmmmm.......

It was nice to just veg out this afternoon. The girls and I shopped for their school supplies today. They'll start pre-school next week. I had been looking forward to just putting my feet up. My legs are tired and my belly feels heavier. All in all though I feel good....anxiously awaiting my next doctor appointment in two days.

4am - THUNDER!!

My girls aren't scared of many things, but they are scared of the sounds of thunder and heavy rain. I cringe whenever there is a thunder storm at night. It only means my sleep will be for sure interrupted. Well, a storm blew through here all day yesterday and last night. 4am on the dot - LOUD THUNDER - Amelia cries out. I went in her room and told her it was okay, asked her to keep it down not to wake up everyone else. She asked why isn't Ava crying? Well, right on cue, Ava yells for me. I went to get her and we all cuddled up in Amelia's little bed.

Ava talked the whole time and told me due to the rain, she couldn't go outside to play with Collin, she couldn't go to the party, or to Carolina house, oh yeah and Daddy couldn't go to work. The 3 of us were scrunched in that bed (while Dad & Drew slept) - Ava then had to tell me to get my head off of her neck. I was quite comfortable myself........ About 45 minutes later, no more thunder, so everyone went back to there beds. At 6am - Ava yells out - It stopped raining, we can go outside to play! Then THUMP!!! - Ava fell out of her crib. I knew she could climb into that crib, but I didn't think she was trying to climb out!!

Andrew

Well, it will be ten years ago this coming November that I found out I was pregnant with my first child. Dave and I had been married six months and knew we wanted to start a family right away. We got pregnant immediately. The pregnancy was uneventful. I worked up until the day Andrew was born. Looking back that was stupid - I should have been taking it easy and not worried so much about my unimportant work load. Anyways, my water broke at at 3am - but no contractions. The doctor said to wait it out a bit and home and come into the office in the morning. I did, and was sent to the hospital - barely dilated and no contractions. My doctor induced my labor and some 30 hours later, 3 hours of pushing and fundal pressure (a medical student pressing on my belly to push the baby out per the doctors direction) Andrew David was born at 6lbs 12oz. He was given apgar scores of an 8 and a 9. Immediately the nurses noted Andrew was grunting (having trouble breathing). He was very beat up from such a long delivery. His eyes were swollen. The nurses kept him with me or in the regular nursery, and didn't tend to him and his labored breathing. Andrew had a funny cry and trouble breast feeding. I didn't know anything was wrong being a first time mom. I just was happy he was here. Andrew's second day of life, he turned blue right in front of the nurses and me. At this point he was rushed to the NICU - without us - curtains were closed - he was gone and within minutes nurses were calling us asking us questions and wanting permission to perform all sorts of tests - including a spinal tap. Dave and I went home that afternoon without our son. I never dreamed that I would have my baby and he wouldn't be coming home with us right away. That was the hardest thing. Andrew spent 14 days in the NICU - tests were run for everything. Dave and I would visit Andrew several times a day. I remember always being worried about where Andrew would be in the NICU when we would first arrive for our visits. Everything was out of our control for his care. Once again, being a first time Mom I trusted the care he was getting, but looking back I would have been way more on top of all of that. After all the tests - it was determined Andrew had bleeding throughout his brain, he was seizing many times a day. He could drink by bottle and actually looked to be one of the healthier babies in the NICU- being he was a big full term baby. We were told when we left the NICU (with many instructions for his care and directions to follow up with many specialty doctors) that Andrew "might have some balance troubles when he was older", "that we would look back at this time and laugh". Well, they were way wrong. Shame on them. Andrew had the classic signs of a brain damaged baby and looking back I believe they knew that. It is still unclear to this day as to why Andrew's brain bled.

The bad........ Over Andrew's first months at home were quite stressful. He cried constantly. He was so irritated all the time. Andrew did manage to smile, laugh and roll over on time, but that was it. Today, Andrew cannot sit, walk, talk or see very well. He has several seizures daily. There were many, many uneasy years - doctor visits around the country, tests, daily therapy, meetings and all sorts of worry and circumstances I wasn't even prepared for. There were years of hospital visits trying to figure out why Andrew was crying in pain, we were always worrying were we doing enough for him? Always thinking Andrew would reach that milestone to sit on his own. There was the unexplained vomiting periods several times a day. There were days when we would just feed him pizza because that's all he would eat. Andrew has been a guinea pig for at least 10 different seizures medicines, always bringing new worries and new seizure activity to his already turbulent life.

And now the good..... Andrew is now at a "stable" place. He is so handsome and always happy. He enjoys just sitting with you and enjoys the simple things. He has taught us to just relax and live life to the fullest everyday.

Within the last few years Andrew has started smiling again. One of my favorite memories is when our family was at the beach with our extended family all around. Our family was having lunch together at the table and Andrew started giggling and smiling for this first time in years. Dave and I had tears. We couldn't believe it. Our then 3 year old Amelia turned to me and said "Mom, Andrew's laughing!" Amelia and Ava then started laughing too. It was awesome! No one else in the room had any clue the simple joy that our family was experiencing at that one moment.

Andrew has been many places..... to Sanibel, FL so many times I've lost count, he's been to Yellowstone, Yosemite, Shennahdoah, Great Smokey Mountains, swimming with the Dolpins in the Florida Keys. He loves to swim, and ride horses, go for drives, walks and his favorite--to eat! Andrew needs our care 24/7, so his life is not like ours or our girls, but we try to make his life just as it would have been if he had not suffered his brain injury. Andrew goes to school M-F and enjoys it. He's around caring people that gear activities for kids like him. Andrew is nine now and growing more and more everyday. I couldn't imagine life without my living angel.

September Photos

Doctor Visit #3 - Down!

Yesterday, Dave met Andrew and I at my OB/GYN office. We waited in the lobby about an hour to be brought back to the sonogram room. The technician was able to perform the sonogram from my belly...... and still a heartbeat!! Woohooo! The baby is growing normally at this stage and is measuring at 9 weeks 5 days! We met with the doctor who gave me all of my blood/urine lab results - all normal. The technician took a prick of blood from my finger for the 11 week down syndrome/genetic screening testing which will be completed at the next appt. - Wed. - Oct. 1st.

Dave was very excited to see the baby and the beating heart on the sonogram. I'm happy that he's able to feel a bit more comfortable with all of this. He's been pretty gloomy about the whole thing - very uneasy with all of our past history. I myself am excited with each "milestone" appt. met, but still worry about the many hurdles I need to pass.

My belly is pretty bruised from the lovenox shots. The shots don't really hurt when given. I'm definately in the routine of a 7am and 7pm shot schedule. The technician recommended spreading out the shots on my abdomen further to try to avoid some of the bruising. Dr. Pinckert stopped me on the way out of the office to say hello and that he remembered me from some 6 years earlier. I kind of doubt he remembered our one appt. six years ago, but it was nice of him to say hello. I am counting on the care from his team to properly monitor all of this. For my own records - my weight was 155lbs - a few lbs more than my start weight. Hope I can keep meeting these hurdles which are really minor to most pregnant women. I hope to stay healthy.

An update on my kids......
Drew started another season of therapeutic horseback riding in Thurmont on Tuesday night. He used to ride on Saturday mornings, but we were moved to Tuesday nights, so Andrew could ride with a therapist and not ride alone. Now that he is so big, Andrew riding with a back rider seems more enjoyable to him and easier on us. He wasn't his singing self while riding. I think it's been awhile for him and he needed to get back in the saddle! Andrew and I went to The Frederick Fair on Wednesday with a school field trip. I enjoyed spending that time with him.

Amelia starts soccer tomorrow morning - we'll all go to cheer her on. This will be her first "sporty" activity. Not sure she even knows what soccer is!

How I Feel

Only a few people at this time know that I am pregnant. My belly is getting bigger. My clothes are feeling snug. I don't like that snug feeling around my belly and that feeling of a heavier belly. My belly getting bigger and heavier feels a bit silly at this stage being if the baby is growing normally it's the size of a lima bean or something.

I am always thinking about eating - which isn't unusual for me, but now all my food choices are mostly all healthy - again not like me! I have this huge appetite in my head, but can only eat a little at a time. I gag a lot and feel the best fix for that is to eat little bits at a time. I've gotten sick twice. This is a first for me. I hope that means things are working like they should. I haven't ever experienced morning sickness. I pretty much take a cat nap everyday -again not like me. I'm always busy with something.

On Saturday, Dave and I went together to have our blood drawn for the only test I think we haven't tested for over the years - Neonatal Alloimmune Thrombocytopenia. I was happy to see the same lab technician who had helped me earlier in the week, but soon got frustrated after an hour's wait - the test couldn't be done today - LabCorb doesn't have a code for this unique test. So, off to figure that one out. Today is week 9 of the pregnancy.

Over the weekend Amelia started Sunday School. There are three kids in her class. Maybe that's because she is going at 8a.m! Dave picked her up, and her teacher asked if she had a sister Ava. Dave said she did. The teacher told Dave that Amelia said she wanted to send Ava back to Guatemala. Great. That's a great thing to say in your first Sunday School class.

Where I Stand

So, it's been about four weeks since we discovered I am pregnant again. I knew right away, even before taking the test. The test was taken anyway around the 8th of August, and no surprise it was positive. I could tell. Like I said I knew. I was very tired - falling asleep in the afternoons while watching my nephew, eating different than I normally do- (a conscious effort to eat all healthy stuff - especially fruit - not like me!).

Even with these symptoms, our past experiences have shown me that even with all of this, it doesn't mean that there is a baby with a beating heart growing inside of me. I waited a week or so knowing that the heartbeat doesn't show on a sonogram until about the sixth week. I had decided awhile ago that if I were ever faced with a possible pregnancy again - that I would see a different doctor, just for char ma sake. I called a doctor's office where I had gone after Jacob's death. I explained my past pregnancy history and they agreed to see me in a week. At this point only Dave and I knew. The news wasn't exciting to shout to the world, but scary. We did decide that we would tell our friends. Just so, we could vent to someone other than each other. We did. My mom and brother were traveling to Hawaii on August 26th. I couldn't tell my mom this news and worry her on her trip, so I didn't. That was hard. I tell her everything.

I did go to the doctor on August 28th at 2:45. The sonogram was done originally on my belly. The technician did not see anything, so she administered an internal sonogram. Before doing this she told me to wait until the doctor came in so that they wouldn't have to do the test twice. Of course I waited in that freezing office -mostly nude, forever. Why did I get myself in this predicament again? Lots more tests and worries. Oh my. The doctor did finally come in and introduced herself. The technician performed the sonogram. They both said right away, yep there's the heartbeat. Heartbeat? No way?!!.. Wow! maybe this time will be different.

Oh, I didn't write about my night before the appt. yet... I was reading my Redbook magazine at bedtime. I have stacks of magazines by my bed. I don't really read them that regularly with three kids and all, but I did open this magazine and read up until the horoscope page. Okay, I'm not really into horoscopes, but this was weird.... It said, for Taurus.." Focus on your goals, deliver on your promises, and you'll birth a dream. The planets are pregnant with possibilities around the 22nd. Even if something seems too good to be true, it isn't! Don't let your pride swell, and accept help that is offered to you. By month's end you'll be holding a healthy, bouncing dream come true! In feng shui , there is a code called the Heart Secret. The code promises you can have whatever you want it you think about it before bed and as you awaken. Every morning this month, say your wish aloud. It'll be the ultra-sound you need to make your dreams come true!" I couldn't believe it. I told Dave to read it next. It was shocking to me! I thought, oh maybe all the horoscopes have to do with babies and birth, but no. Just Taurus. Wow that was strange.

Okay, back to the appt. Well, after going over stacks of my records which I had brought into the doctor, she agreed that I would need to start Lovenox shots (a blood thinner) - administered twice a day into my abdomen. While getting my explanation on how to administer myself a shot- Dave called. I told him. There's a heartbeat. He was a bit worried to say the least. I was a bit worried about giving myself shots twice a day. Yikes.

On, to one week later and 14 stinging Lovenox shots later. Oh yeah, and many bruises (14 to be exact) on my belly- the second sonogram appt. -September 5th at 11:30am. This time I had company. Andrew and Amelia were in school, so Ava and I nervously waited for another sonogram. Okay, Ava wasn't nervous. She was her cute self, always wanting to be the one "doctored" as she would say. Once again, a baby with a heartbeat and growing to match how many weeks I was on the sonogram. 7wks and 4 days. Oh my. I couldn't believe it. I got the sonogram picture to prove it. The doctor suggested I come back at 10 weeks for the next standard pregnancy tests and at that point we would also do a standard ob/gyn pregnancy exam. So, now to wait for 2 weeks.

At this point, this is where things stand.

To Start Things Off...

I've enjoyed reading other people's blogs and wish I had started one of my own for several years now. I wish I had documented these past few years and had a written record of how my family has grown. So, today, finally I am starting my own blog! My name is Rachel. My husband is Dave and our kids are Andrew, Amelia and Ava. Our family picture from May 2008 is to the left.

To start things off....my husband and I recently found out I am pregnant. With this blog I hope to document our family's ups and downs. I also hope to document this pregnancy. To give birth to a healthy baby would be a dream come true.