Mini Vacation

Dave took some time off this holiday break to help me with the kids, so we decided to take an overnight trip to Ocean City, Maryland on Sunday. It was a perfect day for it. Temperatures were in the upper 60's! We started the day in Lewes, Delaware. Stopped for some pizza and then to the beach at Fort Henolopen, Delaware. It was so beautiful. It was warm and hardly anybody was there. We took a walk, and the girls got crazy running around and playing in the sand. We then drove to Ocean City, took a walk on the empty boardwalk, had dinner, and the kids really enjoyed swimming at the hotel indoor pool.

Everyone was excited to sleep in the hotel. Amelia in the pull out sofa bed, Dave in one bed, Ava in the pack-n-play, Drew & I in the other bed. Ava and Amelia were telling knock-knock jokes about poop. You know the one, "Knock-Knock", "Who's there?", "Poop-poop". Oh, that was funny...... Then about 7:45pm, Amelia told Dave to turn the TV off for bed. This was the first time in our "hotel career" that a first night away from home went so smoothly. I went to the bathroom about 9:45pm. While I was gone Andrew let out a noise, "Where are you Mom?" and the minute I got back to bed, his eyes were closed, I laid down next to him and he gave me the hugest grin I've ever seen.

We woke up Monday for more swimming and then a leisurely out of the way drive home, and a stop for lunch at my favorite crab house on Kent Island.

Christmas 2008

The kids were off school Christmas Eve. Dave worked and got home about 4:30. I had picked up frozen easy to prepare appetizers which we ate, and then off to church for Christmas Eve Mass. After church we drove around the neighborhood checking out all the neighbor's Christmas lights - every house with lights received a "Jingle Bells" serenade from the girls. We got back here, set cookies and carrots out for Santa and his reindeer, left the window unlocked so Santa could come in and deliver presents, and put the kids to bed. Dave and I stayed up wrapping for a few hours. I barely slept that night myself in anticipation of the morning and the kid's reactions.

We all got up around 7:00 am, came down together where Amelia was ready and (is still days later ready for Santa to deliver more presents), Ava wasn't so sure, and Drewsie was ready to dive into his presents with his dad. Andrew's favorite gift is his James Taylor CD, he loves the song "Sweet Baby James", Amelia loves her talking parrot which she witnessed us purchasing by accident at Target the day after Thanksgiving, but hasn't put two and two together, and Ava loves her Christmas PJ's Barbie and her Tinkerbell hair comb (she hasn't stopped brushing her Barbie's hair since).

We then got dressed (yes the girls matched in their red polka dot dresses) and Drewsie looked handsome as always in his red striped polo. Grannie and Uncle Jon stopped by with many more gifts! Thanks Jon & Grannie. We then went to Uncle Josh's house where he made some awesome food and the Kozlowski side of the family ate and the kids exchanged gifts. We then drove straight to Grandma and Grandpa's house (everyone took a snooze on the way) and once there hung out. Uncle Steve and his family arrived. We opened gifts, and had a delicious roast for dinner. Thanks Grandpa and Grandma! We arrived home tired at about 8:30pm (pretty late for us :)!!! Some photos from our day are above.

Have I mentioned my strong desire for chocolate and peppermint?..... I must have.... I now have a wide array of chocolate and peppermint treats!! :))

Doctor Appointment Update - GOOD!!

Went to see the doctor today. All is GOOD!! The sonogram tech first checked the baby's heartbeat - 153 beats - GOOD! , then all the standard baby measurements - measuring 2 days ahead, and actually weighing 1lb 4oz (44.8%) - GOOD! The kidneys have not shown an increase in fluid - GOOD!, the "lake" is no longer there or hardly noticeable - GOOD! After the technician did her job, Dr. Pinckert came in and was very kind to say that he is happy things are going so well for me - GOOD! My BP is 116/63, weight 168lbs and urine fine - GOOD!!

All is GOOD!!! My next appt. will be in 2 weeks.

Ava came home from her Christmas party today with a note from Santa where she asked for "a little boy, Shrek, and clothes".

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve.

The 7 sick days before Christmas...

Well, after Amelia's party last weekend Ava woke from her nap and vomited, also had a fever. By Monday morning Dave was sick with a head cold and was worn out. By Wednesday I took a very miserable Ava to the doctor - she had an ear infection. By Wednesday evening Drew was sick, took him to the doctor on Thursday afternoon to find he had an ear infection also. Andrew missed school Thursday and Friday. By Friday afternoon I was sick with the head cold. There was a lot of running around last week for the holidays. This past weekend was all about rest and recovery. It was actually nice because we didn't really run around aimlessly. All of our Christmas shopping and errands are mostly done.

We picked up Andrew's new wheelchair last Thursday. He has pretty much outgrown his old chair which we purchased about 4 years ago. His new chair is covered mostly by insurance... which is a good thing because we don't have the $12,100 to pay out of pocket for it!! Amelia went to "green school" this morning for her Christmas party where she met Santa and told him she would like, "a real fish, a real humpback whale and a real seal" for Christmas. Ava's school party with Santa is tomorrow. Andrew went to school for a half day and came home with his own Christmas treats. School is on for tomorrow, but after that there's the break until after New Years.

I am 23 weeks pregnant and am going for a check up tomorrow. My belly is definately pregnant looking now and is really heavy feeling, my left leg has an ache from the hip bone to the top of my thigh - but no complaints. I feel the baby moving a lot and hope to keep things as smooth as possible.

AMELIA'S 5th BIRTHDAY!!

Today Amelia is 5 years old! We celebrated Saturday with our family. The only help I could get from Amelia when planning her party was that she wanted the theme of Spongebob Squarepants, so..... Spongebob decorations, Pin the pants on Spongebob game, Spongebob Mac & Cheese and sponge painting. Dave and I decorated the kitchen Friday night so when Amelia came down on Saturday morning she would be surprised with all the decor. She enjoyed her party and her gifts - lots of her favorites - computer games, ISPY, and sea creatures!

Tonight we'll have a special dinner - with an Amelia favorite "sprinkle chicken" (salmon) and Amelia picked out an oreo pie for dessert.

Happy Birthday Amelia!!

Appointment Update

A few days late here and now I can't find my sticky note with my doctor visit details, but anyways..... went to see Dr. Manley on Wednesday and everything checked out fine. The sonogram tech. looked at the kidneys again and just did a general scan of the baby, but it was too early to measure the age of the baby - so they will do that next visit. As I mentioned everything checked out fine, my BP, urine, and oh yes I do remember my weight - 168lbs. This was the first appt. where the technician showed me the 3d sonogram of the baby's face and I could actually make out her face and her spread out hand up to her face. That was cool. I will go back to the doctor for a routine check December 23rd.

I've been busy this week - running here and there with the kids. On Wednesday after my doctor appt., I had a meeting at Andrew's school, I came home ate a sundae with Dave and by 11:30pm was sick to my stomach for the rest of the night. A few months ago - same thing. Don't know if I ate something bad, or if my nerves got a hold of me again, but by morning I was fine. I asked Dave to stay home with me Thursday to help me out with all going on that day - Andrew - school, Ava- school, Amelia - 5yr check up (where we learned her vision/hearing and overall health is perfect -she's 75% for height and 50% for weight), Amelia - school, Andrew- PT, Amelia & Ava - Preschool Parent's Night out, Rachel, Dave & Drew -Dinner out, Rachel - Grocery shopping. That was THURSDAY!!! Maybe I WAS a bit stressed about all of that!!

Andrew had his holiday program at his school today. The girls and I went today to hang out with him. Santa came to school, with singing, crafts and so on.

Off to get ready for Amelia's Birthday party tomorrow morning. I've been asking her what she wants to do for her party and all she can do is describe exactly what we did for Ava'a party in October. I hope she enjoys her party tomorrow!

( I found my sticky - BP is 106/50)!!!

Pregnancy #5

August of 2006 - We were waiting, and waiting, and waiting on Ava to come home. During this wait I found out I was pregnant - just like all the others, I had the same feelings, I knew right away I was pregnant. I made an appointment to go see the doctors at Georgetown Hospital at 6 weeks pregnancy age - and once again - no heartbeat - another blyted ovum. I remember thinking before the appointment that maybe this time things would be different. I've heard so many stories of couples waiting on an adoption and then they find out they are expecting on their own. I was quick to find out that this wasn't the case with us.

This time around, I did ask my doctor if I could just let the miscarriage happen naturally without any surgery or drugs. Within a few weeks my body did it's job. Before we knew of any of this, Dave and I had planned a trip to Colorado in early September 2006. I miscarried right before this trip and was still miscarrying as we were on the trip. Happy news was coming very soon though- our Ava would be home with us in a matter of weeks.

A Milestone

TWENTY WEEKS TODAY!!!!!!

Today I am twenty weeks pregnant - feeling good, and the baby is growing!!! Yippee!!

Now, PLEASE twenty more weeks of the same.

Appointment Day

It's the day after Thanksgiving and Andrew woke up sick with a fever. He usually doesn't get a fever with his colds, so I was a bit worried this morning. We went to the pediatrician first thing this morning. Andrew has an ear infection. I was a bit skeptical when he was able to get over his cold a few weeks ago without the help of medicine. He was fine yesterday except he was wining a little bit in the afternoon. We thought he had to much Thanksgiving brunch. We can't ever tell exactly what is wrong with him when he's not himself. Poor guy. We've just been lounging around all day.

Thanksgiving was enjoyable. My side of the family (mom, brothers, girlfriends & cousin Collin) came over to our house in the morning for our annual brunch. We took an afternoon break and went down to see Grandma and Grandpa and Dave's brother's family for a traditional meal cooked by Grandma.

Wednesday I visited the doctor. The kids were off school, so my mom met me there with the three kids - everybody behaved. :) Here goes with my boring stats... weight 163lbs, BP 110/60, urine fine. The sonographer measured the baby - which all checked out normal, checked the anatomy - all checked out normal, except that one kidney on the baby has a tiny bit more fluid in it, but that is not of serious concern. The baby is measuring 2 days ahead of my 19 weeks, 2day age, so that's is great. The baby is growing - as she should! Her heart is beating 137 beats per minute. The placenta hasn't moved. It is still covering my cervix. The doctor told me that this just meant a c-section later, which is the plan - god willing. The doctor did say that they decided not to treat me with any steroids or transfusion because I have not been diagnosed with anything in particular. Dr. Manley did mention a test further down the road where they could check the baby's platelets. This test would involve inserting a needle through me to get to the unbilical cord and pull out a sample. If the baby's platelets were abnormal then they could do a transfusion in utero. Hmmm, we'll wait and see about that one.... I am due back to the doctor in two weeks for a regular check up.

Hopefully Andrew's antibiotic will kick in quick and we can get out this weekend.

A Chilly Weekend

It was cold this weekend, so we decided to take the kids back to Boyd's Bear Country in Gettysburg again. We just wanted to go somewhere where we didn't have to be outside. We walked through the four stories of everything teddy bears (exciting, yes...). Ava enjoyed it the most being she was about a year old when we were last there. She is still talking about going back to "THE bear place".

Friends have been asking if the girls realize I am pregnant. Well..... yesterday afternoon Dave, Andrew & I were watching the Redskins game on TV. The girls were playing in the toy room and came in to show us something. The picture I had to take explains it all......

Small Update

I am 18 weeks pregnant now -according to books the baby should be about 5 1/2 inches long. I can feel the baby move more, but I'll notice it and then the movements will be gone. My queasy morning stomach is pretty much gone. I'm still tired a lot and trying to just take it easy when I can. My cold is gone. Very small snow showers were coming down throughout the day today. Nothing major, but winter is coming.

Called Friday and twice Monday for my urine test results from last week. I finally got a call back Monday afternoon. The nurse said the results are normally transmitted electronically to the doctor and that he had them on his desk. She didn't know the results, but that the doctor would have surely brought them out to her to take action if they were abnormal. I asked her to call me when he released them, because as everyone knows, I don't feel comfortable with anything! I would just like to hear the results! - still no call today.

Waiting on Andrew and Amelia to get off the bus. Tonight is Amelia's last gymnastics class.

Appointment Day

I'm a few days late here with this entry... but went to the doctor on Wednesday. Here's the latest...

Gloria called me right in...had my littlest helper (Ava) with me today. She charmed her way into getting a lollipop from an office worker within minutes of entering the office. Gave my standard urine sample which I noticed right away didn't look right (dark in color). My blood pressure was 131/62 (a bit higher) and weight 162lbs. I've had a cold since Monday. Actually the whole family here has had a varation of the the cold except Amelia (Amelia has a super immune system). It's just a head cold for me and I would have to say that Wednesday morning I felt my worst -very heavy headed, tired, runny nose. You know... standard cold symptoms.

Gloria performed the standard sonogram. She said the baby looked good. Everything was good. She mentioned she wouldn't check fetal measurements today because they don't like to check this every time. I kind of thought this was why I was going to the doctor every two weeks - to check that the baby is growing as she should. Gloria briefed the doctor with the day's scan, the doctor then came in to talk to me. She also said the baby looked fine, but that she had been discussing my case with the other doctors in the practice and they are thinking of how to treat me in the future. Since I have not been diagnosed with any known platelet or other blood abnormality, I guess it's appearing that the doctors would still like to treat me further as if I do have a platelet or blood abnormality. I was a bit taken back by this, as I thought that issue was laid to rest. I do understand the need though that the doctors need to be proactive. The treatment, if I am understanding correctly would be steroid injections or blood transfusions. Dr. Manley said she would still discuss a course of action with her partners and get back to me on this. I asked if I should have blood/urine labs done again, just to keep that checked. It's been since the start of the pregnancy when all of this was last checked. Dr. Manley said, no that it was too early in my pregnancy for pre-ecclampsia to come on. Nothing would be gained from these tests. I did ask her to check on my urine sample given that morning. She did, and came back with opposite information.....telling me to yes, go ahead and give a 24 hour urine sample. My urine was very concentrated and showed +2 for protein, +2 for blood. I am not as concerned about the blood finding, that is normal for me, but the protein is not. The nurse came in to ask me if I was drinking a lot. I said I thought I was, but that morning, no I was running and getting everybody off to school and getting to the appointment in rush hour traffic. I had of course eaten my fair share, but now that you mention it - drinking - no. She told me to keep water with me all the time and especially being sick I should be doubling my fluid intake.

When I returned home, I started the urine test immediately and went for the blood draw the next day (yesterday). I am now waiting on those results - hoping that my kidneys aren't beginning to show trouble. I will return to the doctor in 2 weeks - Wednesday before Thanksgiving.

I did look up the term "lake in Placenta" on line yesterday. I was told at a previous visit, a "lake" appeared on my sonogram scans. Apparently, from what I found online this is a fairly normal finding and doesn't pose trouble (and this is what the doctor told me previously).

Most all of my friends and family know about my pregnancy now. Everyone has been so great and supportive and wishing me well. I am thankful to have everyone praying for me and giving me such great support.

Amelia Hope

Today is all about Amelia - as she loves to say. :)

As I was wrote in an earlier post - in 2003 we were trying and trying to have another child. We couldn't make it happen biologically, so we started researching adoption. We spoke to agencies all over the country that specialize in domestic adoption, we went to our local county social services to learn about foster care and adoption. We were being told that domestic adoptions had very long wait times and that our chances of being selected by a birth mother might be less because we were already raising a handicapped child. With the county, it seemed like foster care was just temporary - that we would be helping a family get their life back together while we took care of their child. Neither of these ideas sounded like a road we wanted to take at that stage of our lives, so we looked to international adoption. We spoke to many agencies who worked with children needing homes in China, Mexico, Russia and Guatemala.

July of 2003 after our second miscarriage we spoke with very good friends of ours who had just completed adopting a beautiful girl from Guatemala. They spoke highly of their agency, so we quickly called the agency for more information. We learned that we could adopt a boy or girl as early as 5 months of age, that only one parent had to travel to complete the adoption, and that we fit the criteria 100% to be considered to adopt by the Guatemalan government. It was August or so of 2003 when the agency told us that Guatemalan adoptions were on hold, but to keep preparing our paperwork so that we could be put on a wait list as soon as it became available again. The paperwork gathering that is needed for adopting is how to I say this.....HORRIBLE! It's a lot of time, organization and money.

Finally we had heard by September that adoptions were open and we could be put on the wait list for a girl. Our paperwork was complete and had been sent to Guatemala. December 8th - I got the call that twin girls had just been born that day. They appeared healthy and were a good weight. We received pictures of the girls. They were beautiful. Dave was at training for his work down in Georgia - he was gone for several months, so I called him and told him the news. He was hesitant about the twin part of it, but we decided to go for it. Well, as part of the referral we received pictures, very general information about the health of the babies and of the mother. The mother was 17 and couldn't keep the babies. We waited for the next set of medical tests to come in. December 23rd we got the call that the twins which we were to be named Amelia and Ava were carrying the HIV virus and that they could not be adopted. This news came right before Christmas and Dave was coming home from his training - we were shocked. Turns out that the birth mother probably had no idea she was even infected with HIV and that the agency would have to tell her that she was very sick, along with her babies.

That very same night we were given information on two more girls born earlier that week. We were given two more girls to adopt because we were in the process to adopt these twins. We chose just one girl - Amelia Hope, who was just born December 16th. Her mother had given birth to her in a very rural Guatemalan town - Huehuetenango - some six hours from Guatemala City. Amelia was now safe in foster care in Guatemala City. Her mother could not keep her and traveled through very mountainous, third world roads to give her up. It is amazing to me Amelia was born so very, very far away and found her way to us!

We received monthly updates - (which we camped out by the computer for). While we waited for Amelia my Grandma passed away. She knew about Amelia before she died, but would never meet her and experience the happiness she brings. We were told by the end of April that we could make travel arrangements to come pick her up and bring her home. Dave and his mom made the trip to Guatemala - staying with the lawyer who prepared the paperwork. They arrived at the airport thinking that they would meet Amelia the next day, but as a suprise the facilitator took Dave and his mom immediately to meet her. Dave tells me he will never forget seeing her big ol' face with a huge smile across the room. He knew it was her right away. Amelia being only five months old, didn't miss a beat. She took right to Dave and Grandma. Her foster family was sad for her to go. They had cared for her for five months as she was their own. Dave, Grandma and Amelia spent a day or two handling the paperwork and touring Guatemala. They arrived home May 18th, 2004. Me, my mom, brother Andrew, and uncle Jon were all there to meet Amelia at the airport. My huge wait was over - finally my baby was here - sleeping soundly in her car seat and oblivious to everything - but here.

Amelia is now almost five. She has a lot of energy - always has. Caring for Amelia was effortless, no therapy, no weekly doctor visits, no worry, just pure joy- still is. Amelia loves to be read too, loves the library, loves school, loves her stuffed animals, puzzles, drawing, playing outside and exploring and learning about everything.

Dave and I couldn't imagine life without her - always happy and easy going. Adoption opened up a whole new world for us. Strangers are always stopping to tell us how lucky it is that Amelia found such a good home, but we are really the lucky ones to have found her.

The Weekend

Today I am 16 weeks pregnant. I called the doctor's office this morning to see if the AFP blood test results came back yet - they did and they came back normal. So another hurdle down - (a hurdle that was big in my mind at least). I'm pretty sure I've been feeling the baby move now for a good week or so. It's small little flutters, but I am almost certain that's what it is. I'm still pretty tired and prefer staying home these days. I'm just tired and happy to lounge around here. This really isn't how I normally am, but I figure it's good and that someone's telling me to take it easy! We've started sharing our baby news with our family and friends.

Saturday was Andrew's Fall Horse Show. The day was really beautiful - a nice, sunny warm day. The students all "compete" with their class - showing off what they have learned with this season's riding lessons. Andrew showed me how he is now using a new saddle where he can sit unassisted with two sidewalkers. He had to stop half way through his "show" as the saddle broke! Good thing he stopped because I was beyond freaked out at how his head was bobbing and bouncing around on that horse. It looked bad. Not sure I'm too comfortable I want him riding with that saddle again. He was awarded his 18,000th green ribbon for participation. Dave and I always joke - Can't they just give him a different color ribbon - just this once! During the show - families bring all sorts of food, hot dogs and hamburgers - so we all had something to eat and enjoyed the morning. The girls enjoyed playing in the dirt on the driveway with the two boys they had met. The photos above are of Andrew on Lightening and Andrew with his prized green ribbon.

On Sunday morning we went to our favorite weekend spot - Baker Park in downtown Frederick. We get our breakfast out and eat it there and take a walk and play on the different playgrounds. The leaves were beautiful and of course I had my camera......Note - Dave's facial hair - slowly we are loosing the beard and back to just his face. :)

Today and tomorrow the kids are off school, so Dave stayed home with us. We took the kids to the Germantown Indoor Pool. The pool was empty - the kids enjoyed the pool and the cool slides.

Halloween

Happy Halloween!!! - 2008

This year we have Drew as a vacation traveler guy, Amelia as the beautiful ballerina, and Ava as the spooky, scary skeleton. The kids each had a party and trick or treating at their different schools this week. Tonight, the kids will go out up and down our street. It's warm this afternoon, hopefully it will stay that way!

Appointment Day

Yesterday was a doctor appointment day. Gloria (the same sonogram tech I've had since the start and I finally got her name) called me in. The usual appointment stuff - blood pressure 110/50, weight 160lbs..all good. When we started the actual sonogram, Gloria said that she should be able to tell the sex of the baby during this scan and asked if she could see did I want to know. I said yes, but asked her if she could just write down the sex so that Dave and I could look at it together that night. She said she would do that. First things first.... the baby is still doing good - 154 beats for heartbeat- the first "pose" of the baby today was with the hand in the air - waving. The baby was moving today - more than last week. Might have been the sugar in the ginger ale I was deliberately drinking before the appoinment....Gloria said the baby looked good and that it was measuring at 15 weeks 5 days - ahead of my 15 weeks 2 days - so good. She finished her job and then left to go get the doctor. She said she was pretty sure she had an accurate read on the sex of the baby.

The doctor came in and said "I hear we could see the sex of the baby!" I said, yes, but that Gloria was writing it down for me. She said, "Oh, I was almost going to tell you." So, she didn't tell me, but did start looking at the sonogram pictures - and right away said "there she's waving at you!". Then realized what she did. She hugged me and apologized a bunch for spilling the beans. I kind of thought really all along that the baby was a girl. I could even see for myself when the technician was looking down at that area. I can't tell a lot of what they are looking at usually with the sonogram, but during that part of it, it did seem like thats what I was looking at.

So anyways, the doctor mentioned that her "not to worry spot" from last visit was probably the placenta "clumped" up at the bottom of the uterus - covering my cervix - she called it placenta previa. Now, I have heard of that, but wasn't sure what it meant to me and this pregnancy. She said it was really only an issue, if I were to deliver vaginally. She said that a lot of times the placenta is down low and as my uterus expands, the placenta should expand and "move" a bit. The doctor also pointed out an area on the sonogram , called a "lake". If I understood correctly this was an enlarged blood vessel - she said she would watch it and "not to worry". Okay then....

I also had my blood drawn for the AFP levels. I am hoping that this will be an indicator as whether the placenta is working properly. She mentioned results would be back in 3 days or so. I have my next appointment in two weeks. Dave had been calling, and calling during the appointment. I called him right away and told him what happened - that I knew the sex of the baby, so he said to go ahead and tell him.

So, it's a GIRL!!!! WOW!!! Good news of course, but still have never ending worry for the 20+ weeks to come. I'm feeling a bit more eager to share our news with everyone.......I've tried to scan the letter and a sonogram picture.... let's hope it works! Tomorrow is Halloween.

Pregnancy #3 & Pregnancy #4

Have to make note of just one bitty thing this morning.....I am home ALONE! I have not been home alone for as long as I can remember....... I'm kind of liking this!!

As part of this blog, I did want to document all of my pregnancies. So here's what happened the third and fourth time I was pregnant:

Dave and I had been through even more testing after Jacob's death. We saw hematologists, urologists, pregnancy specialists, fertility specialists, genetic specialists, and so on.... All to come to the same conclusion that there was not an exact reason as to why I was having trouble with my pregnancies, but that it did look like a bleeding problem with me, so if I were to get pregnant again, putting me on the blood thinner -Lovenox would be the course of action. I had also coordinated my care with the specialists at Georgetown University Hospital. I was very pleased with the care and expertise that they were offering Dave and I.

So with this information, we did get pregnant again in the spring of 2003. We had moved into our new home here in Frederick and easily got pregnant. Took the pregnancy test which was positive and did make the appointment to see our specialist at Georgetown. I was told to come at 6 weeks pregnancy age because this is when a fetal heartbeat can first be seen on ultrasound. Well, I went to the appointment thinking nothing of it, but only to be told, that no heartbeat was seen and that this wasn't unusual - we might have been a week or so off in our timing. So, I was told to come back in a week. I did, and no heartbeat again. At this point it was determined I had a blyted ovum (sp?) (a pregnancy sac was formed, but no baby). The doctor gave me medication to stimulate contractions in hopes that the pregnancy would terminate on it's own. Well, it didn't. So after a week or so and more sonograms I was scheduled for a D&C. Dave stayed with Drew and my mom and I drove down to Georgetown very early for this surgical procedure. I came home to rest for the day. A fluke -my first miscarriage.

Dave and I waited a few months and found out we were pregnant again in July of 2003. So, off again to Georgetown Hospital at 6 weeks pregnancy age to find once again no heartbeat. Another blyted ovum. (sp?) This was more of a shock. Now, I am someone who has had several miscarriages as well as all of my previous troubles. I asked the doctor to just schedule the D&C. I didn't want to go through the waiting and medication again. Once again, my mom drove me down to Georgetown while Dave stayed with Drew and I had the procedure. Once again, more unanswered questions, but with all of this sadness to deal with Dave and I were led a different way to expand our family - something we desperately wanted.

My "PLAN"

After last week's appointment I figured it was about time for me to put my "PLAN" into action on how I lift Andrew as my pregnancy progresses. Up to this point when Dave isn't home I have been lifting Andrew (all 75lbs) of him out of bed in the mornings, then on to the chair glide, then carrying him into the family room for breakfast and getting him ready for school. None of that can be good for my pregnancy. I haven't been able to even bring myself to ask my doctor about lifting Andrew - I know it can't be good.

Several weeks ago I had ordered a patient lift system for Andrew. The lift allows for me to put Andrew in a sling on the floor or anywhere and I can pull a lever and up Andrew goes to wherever he needs to be. Also as part of the "PLAN", several weeks ago, Dave worked out a schedule with his boss that he could be home by 4pm ish to help me get Andrew out of his wheelchair after school.

Last week I got the call that the lift we ordered for Andrew had come in, so my mom, the kids and I drove to Cumberland this past Friday to pick it up. Dave and I practiced lifting all the kids and even I lifted Dave. We somewhat got the hang of it, but I need to practice more. The lifting just doesn't look right, but actually Andrew is very happy with it. His teachers at school have been lifting him in a device like this all school year, so he could care less - he's used to it. He probably prefers this kind of lift over Dave and I struggling to get a hold of him and carry him from place to place.

The biggest part of my "PLAN" was to clear out the dining room on the main level and buy a mattress for Andrew to sleep on. So we cleared everything out and set up a downstairs bedroom. This would eliminate all of the lifting for me, because Andrew would be on the main level. The lift will help me on the main level. We have a mattress for me to sleep on next to Andrew. I just don't like the idea of moving him downstairs, while we are all upstairs. I want to be near him.

Last night was our first night sleeping in our new arrangement. It went well, other than Andrew decided to "talk" to me and peak his head all around the place for about 3 hours from 10pm-1am. I'm a bit tired today, but relieved that I don't have to worry about how I'm going to get Andrew here or there. This whole thing has been worrying me for months, so I am happy to finally have everything into place..... Just have to keep thinking we can hopefully have our five months of this and get back to our normal again in April.

Doctor Appointment Update

I am 13 weeks/3 days pregnant.

Yesterday was a doctor appointment day. I received a call from the doctor's office in the morning to let me know that they did receive our chromosome test results and that they were all normal. It's my understanding that these tests would have shown if Dave and I had any defective genes or genes that would make me prone to miscarriages. So, the fact that these results were all completely normal is a great.

My appointment was in the afternoon. There was a letter waiting for me from the geneticist - copies of the chromosome tests and the results of the "BIG" test - Neonatal Alloimmune Thrombocytopenia (NATP) - the test that Dave and I had to have our blood drawn several times for. The blood was sent to a special lab in Wisconsin. This test might have given us the answer we have been looking for. If positive, it would have required a very vigorous therapy - my getting blood transfusions regularly throughout the pregnancy, but GOOD NEWS - NATP was not our problem. The test did show that Dave and I were very similar in our genetic make up (go figure), but that wasn't unusual and that we do have an incompatibility between mother and father for HPA-1b- however this is not uncommon..... So for this pregnancy, there would be no special therapy or treatment for NATP. I am relieved, but on the other hand would love to have an answer and a treatment for whatever causes problems with my pregnancies.

At my appointment, I was called back for my visit. First thing -my blood pressure reading -110/46, my weight 160 and the usual urine sample - which also tested fine. The same sonogram technician I've been seeing performed the sonogram. The ladies in the office are definately getting to know me and my worried ways, so first thing I hear is "yes, there's the heartbeat". Pheeeew, relief!! She then took measurements of the baby, looked for blood flow and gave me a few photos to take home to Dave. The baby is now measuring a week ahead.... I guess I should be happy as long as it isn't measuring a week behind. The technician said the measurements are sometimes hard to get and not to worry....The baby wasn't as active as it was on the last visit. Last visit it was so clear how the baby was kicking and moving his arms. I was worried about that, but she did tell me the baby goes through sleep and awake cycles, and she did have me cough which did stimulate the baby to move around. Also, the very first view I had of the baby today was with the baby's arms crossed over like in an "x" position over his chest. I thought that was neat.

The technician had me wait there for the doctor. The doctor came in and said the baby looked good, but she was focusing on the pictures of the placenta. Anybody who's had an ultrasound before kind of always gets that "talk", "the technician is not a doctor, your doctor will go over the results with you". So, I kind of just waited for her to speak and she pointed out an area on the placenta picture (which looked like nothing to me) she wanted to watch - she's worried it might be a clot. Great....clot.....not a clot....uuuuughhhhh...... Clots in the placenta stop blood/nutrient flow to the baby which means the baby will not get what it needs to grow. Not good. She did say I shouldn't worry about it, asked me if I had any bleeding - which I haven't. So off I was sent to not worry about a big possible worry..... Here goes the worrying......Don't get me wrong, I've been worried all along, but now something concrete to worry on. Knew that would be coming....

She did mention all the pap and culture tests from the last visit were normal and it was fine to see her in 2 weeks. In 2 weeks I will have a regular appointment and get the next set of blood tests (what I call the tri-screen). This may pick up any abnormalities if they are happening.

So, today here I am worrying. Wishing I had probed the doctor for more information on this area we are watching.

The Weekend Events

First thing Saturday Amelia had a soccer game. Come to find out soccer is not Amelia's "thing". She would just rather be social, then actually run after, or kick the ball. I do think she enjoys being part of the team though. We rushed home from the game so Dave could take the girls to cousin Bethany's first birthday party. While they were gone, I either had food poisining, stomach virus or just my nervous stomach which rears it's ugly head every so often. It wasn't pretty, but did only last a few hours.

Saturday night was my 20th High School Reunion. I graduated from Thomas S. Wootton High School in 1988. Dave and I went down to Bethesda for the reunion party - met some friends and ran into some people I haven't seen in quite awhile. It was fun to get out with Dave and have a night just for us. The photo of Dave and I above is at the reunion.

Sunday, as we've been doing for eight years now, we went to Jumbo's Pumpkin Patch in Middletown. The girls were much more cooperative with my photo craziness than in year's past. We found a few pumpkins, did the hay ride thing, and looked at the baby farm animals. It's an annual tradition that at some point Dave and I get frustrated with each other or the kids. This year was no exception. Above are some happy photos.

Jacob Daniel

Today is the day seven years ago I gave birth to our second son, Jacob Daniel. I wanted to write about my pregnancy with Jacob....so here goes.....

I was 30 years old and Dave and I figured we wanted another child a good year or so after having Andrew. We thought providing Andrew a sibling would help him and help us also to fill a void. We went through a lot of testing after Andrew's birth which led to no answers as to why Andrew was born the way he was. I, at that time believed that Andrew's birth was to blame being the labor was so long, my blood pressure was so low, Andrew's heart beat fluctuated, I pushed him out for over 3 hours and the doctors had to push him out of me using fundal pressure which seemed to have been done wrong. I, at the time, and sometimes still to this day believe Andrew's injuries were the result of all these things combined, so of course at the time when I got pregnant again I had to find a different doctor, different hospital. Everything had to be different.

So off I went to another doctor out at Montgomery General Hospital in Olney. I found this doctor through the recommendation of a friend who recently had given birth. I met with the doctor, liked her just fine and decided this arrangement would work. I was pregnant with a due date of December 31, 2001. Bad things can't happen twice. It would all be smooth sailing.

This doctor knew about Andrew's injuries and all of the testing after his birth. With my second pregnancy I did experience bleeding in the first few weeks (not uncommon). I did have the pre-natal screening tests at 15 weeks which indicated that this baby had a high likelihood of being born with Down Syndrome or a neural tube defect. So, I was told to visit a specialist. I did see the specialist and met with a genetic counselor. More specialized ultrasound tests did show this baby did have enlarged ventricles in the brain, kidney troubles and wasn't growing as it should have been. I was talked into getting the amniocentesis. This test revealed that the baby did not have Down Syndrome or a neural tube defect, so that was great news. The test also revealed with 100% certainty that we were having another boy. The ultrasounds though remained grim. The baby was growing, but not matching the amount of weeks I was pregnant. The enlarged ventricles were at the high end of the normal range, but weren't right. Things just weren't right, but it just didn't register that the baby was in serious distress.

At about 27 weeks, I went for a routine pregnancy exam. My doctor discovered that I had higher than normal blood pressure and I had a minimal amount of protein spilling into my urine. Two bad signs. The doctor sent me home. Told me to take it easy and get a 24 hour urine sample done immediately. Well, before I could even finish that test I was told to check myself into Montgomery General Hospital. I did and was told that I would be there until the baby was born. My first night in the hospital after some testing, I was woken in the middle of the night and told that I would have to be taken by ambulance to Holy Cross Hospital. They have a NICU that could handle the baby I was going to have to deliver immediately. I was started on a drug called Magnesium Sulfate which makes you very groggy and very out of sorts. I was very sick - being diagnosed with severe HELLP syndrome (pre-ecclampsia).

Jacob Daniel was born the next day by c-section weighing under 2lbs. He was tiny, but seemed strong when he was born. I was taken back to recover from the c-section. Jacob was so tiny he needed to be in an isolette, on a ventilator and connected to all kinds of monitors. Things were basically a blur for me. I know I got to see Jacob one night, but just by having a nurse wheel me to the NICU where I could look into his isolette. Man, he was so small. Usually the birth of the baby rids you of the pre-ecclampsia. But no, mine came back, so I had to be put back on that horrible medicine Magnesium Sulfate. Within a day or so I was told that Jacob wasn't doing well at all. His brain had worse bleeding than Andrew's and he was already having seizures and was in serious distress. The doctors told us if he lived at all he would be more severely disabled than our Andrew.

We were advised to discontinue life support on October 10, 2001. We were asked if we wanted to hold him while this was done. We said no. My greatest regret in life to date. I didn't hold my son as he took his last breath. Instead, they discontinued life support and carried him to us across the hall from the NICU in a blanket. You wouldn't even have known that all that was happening. The halls were bustling with healthy new babies and happy times. Jacob was brought to us already blue. We said our goodbyes and cried.

The doctors told us his life would maybe bring us some answers as to how we could help Andrew. An autopsy was performed, tests were done and still no clear explanation as to why all of these things had happened, except the simple explanation from doctors that maybe "god was trying to tell us something". I stayed in that hospital a few more days. Was moved to a room where I could be alone and not with other mothers who were getting to know their newborns. My last day of my hospital stay, I discovered the nurses had placed a piece of paper on the door to my room. - a white rose with a tear. This would tell anyone entering that I was not in my room with my brand new baby. That room was occupied by someone in mourning.

We buried Jacob with our families by our side at a cemetery with all other deceased babies. I thought going home without Andrew after his birth was hard, but having to go home after burying our baby was even harder. So hard to have to explain to people who didn't even know I had given birth that I had, and our boy was already gone.

These few days in October are always tough. I have no problems with speaking about Jacob. I want people to know he was here and that Andrew has a brother and that Dave and I have a second son, but I have discovered this kind of story isn't one you can tell in general conversation. Jacob is our Angel who is watching over us always.

Drew & Amelia

ANDREW - has been working with the same physical therapist now for about 8 years. This past spring the office got a new piece of equipment. The Liko track system consists of rails on the ceilings with a "hook" attached to a harness. The track system allows the person using it to walk unassisted all over the room. The user can turn 350 degrees and change direction with ease. The person is strapped into the harness and then suspended from the track system. Andrew's use of gait training equipment has varied throughout the years. There used to be a time when I thought he would even walk on his own, but no. He isn't always happy strapped into this type of equipment, but he LOVES this track system. He has been using it for months now and is usually always very happy. He laughs, smiles, screams with joy. It's just great to see him so happy and to be working his legs. Above is a photo of my happy big man.

AMELIA - The other thing I wanted to write about was Amelia's Saturday night bed time. I was putting her to bed and noticed her favorite toy (she's always got with her and sleeps with), her drawing magna doodle. She's always drawing whales - another favorite of Amelia. She usually won't tell you what she has drawn - always says she doesn't want to say, but this time, I had to hear her explanation of what I was looking at. She told me it was a Mommy with a baby in her belly. And it was! So funny. Dave and I haven't really discussed this pregnancy with the kids. Dave has mentioned it to Amelia when she asks why my belly is getting big and why I am gagging all the time. I didn't think she was really listening to Dave, but she was. I tried to get a photo - see above - oh yeah, and that photo shows Amelia's "game face."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AVA!!!!

Ava turned 3 on October 3rd. We celebrated with a family party on Friday and today with a party with more family and friends. Ava really enjoys "The Little Mermaid" now, so this was her party theme. We made princess crowns, had a pinata, pizza and cake.

Ava loves all her presents and really seemed to enjoy her day. Above are some pictures of our big 3 year old!

Oh My!

Didn't realize how much I said "Oh my!" until I started writing this.

My doctor appointment was yesterday. I was called back immediately by the same sonogram tech who did my very first sonogram. She performed the sonogram and right away you could see the baby kicking and moving all over the place. I asked her if there was a heartbeat. She said yes, it's moving isn't it? Oh my! I asked about the measurements. I was told, the baby's measuring at 11 weeks 6 days. Oh my! She checked the nuchal fold for the down syndrome screening. She said it looked good, but the genetic counselor would go over the information with me. Oh my! All in all everything looks normal at this stage. Oh my! The tech said she had to plug the measurements into the computer with my blood hormone levels which were taken at the last appointment.

(Next came typical exam stuff....) I had my blood pressure checked - 112/46, and my weight - 159 1/2lbs. I then had to endure the pelvic exam and pap smear and other culture tests. It all went smoothly. Those results should be back in about a week. The only bad news was the specialized blood test which was ordered the second week of September (NATP) was not performed accurately. So, yes Dave and I have to get our blood re-drawn for this test. It will be the second time for me and the third for Dave - for just this test alone!!! bad Lab Corp.....

I then met with the genetic counselor. The standard of care would be to have any woman over the age of 35 (advanced maternal age) to be screened for down syndrome/genetic abnormalities. According to statistics, a woman age 38 had a 1/123 chance of having a baby with down syndrome. My chances before the screening were 1/118 (about average), but after the screening my chances are now 1/257. I am still testing in the "positive - more suspicious" range, but the "normal risk range" numbers would be 1/300 chance and above. So....... my numbers got better which is great, but the discussion led to what should I do next? Amnio?, additional screening at 15-18 weeks? I opted for the additional screening at 15-18 weeks - which is a simple blood test to check hormone levels. Although this test has a lot of false positives (I've heard many women be screened and be told their risks were greater and they had healthy children), I would ask for this test to be done regardless because this was the first major indicator in Jacob's pregnancy - telling me somthing wasn't right (more on that later).

So, once again I left the office with good news. Wished Dave had come because he would have been so happy to see how active the bitty baby growing inside of me is. Dave and I will get our blood re-drawn today for the NATP test. My next doctor appointment is scheduled for October 15th at 2:15pm. Keeping my fingers crossed for continuing good news.

Off to bring Ava to her first pre-school orientation. She's been ready to go since 7am! She'll be 3 tomorrow!!

The Weekend

It's been two years since we brought our Ava home - September 27, 2006.

I'm 11 weeks pregnant today.

It rained most of the weekend, so we didn't get outside too much. We had our extended family over for dinner last night. Dave's uncle and aunt, cousins, kids, dad & mom, brother & family. The last two get togethers like this here have been nice - a lot of people, but everyone brings the food, paper plates, drinks and I just partake in eating. I asked Dave after everyone left if I looked "fat". Our family (except for Moms & Dad) don't know that I am pregnant. He said, "no, but I looked a little heavy around the middle, and my legs looked heavier with my vericose veins sticking out more, but no, no one would have noticed"......Hmmmmm.......

It was nice to just veg out this afternoon. The girls and I shopped for their school supplies today. They'll start pre-school next week. I had been looking forward to just putting my feet up. My legs are tired and my belly feels heavier. All in all though I feel good....anxiously awaiting my next doctor appointment in two days.

4am - THUNDER!!

My girls aren't scared of many things, but they are scared of the sounds of thunder and heavy rain. I cringe whenever there is a thunder storm at night. It only means my sleep will be for sure interrupted. Well, a storm blew through here all day yesterday and last night. 4am on the dot - LOUD THUNDER - Amelia cries out. I went in her room and told her it was okay, asked her to keep it down not to wake up everyone else. She asked why isn't Ava crying? Well, right on cue, Ava yells for me. I went to get her and we all cuddled up in Amelia's little bed.

Ava talked the whole time and told me due to the rain, she couldn't go outside to play with Collin, she couldn't go to the party, or to Carolina house, oh yeah and Daddy couldn't go to work. The 3 of us were scrunched in that bed (while Dad & Drew slept) - Ava then had to tell me to get my head off of her neck. I was quite comfortable myself........ About 45 minutes later, no more thunder, so everyone went back to there beds. At 6am - Ava yells out - It stopped raining, we can go outside to play! Then THUMP!!! - Ava fell out of her crib. I knew she could climb into that crib, but I didn't think she was trying to climb out!!

Andrew

Well, it will be ten years ago this coming November that I found out I was pregnant with my first child. Dave and I had been married six months and knew we wanted to start a family right away. We got pregnant immediately. The pregnancy was uneventful. I worked up until the day Andrew was born. Looking back that was stupid - I should have been taking it easy and not worried so much about my unimportant work load. Anyways, my water broke at at 3am - but no contractions. The doctor said to wait it out a bit and home and come into the office in the morning. I did, and was sent to the hospital - barely dilated and no contractions. My doctor induced my labor and some 30 hours later, 3 hours of pushing and fundal pressure (a medical student pressing on my belly to push the baby out per the doctors direction) Andrew David was born at 6lbs 12oz. He was given apgar scores of an 8 and a 9. Immediately the nurses noted Andrew was grunting (having trouble breathing). He was very beat up from such a long delivery. His eyes were swollen. The nurses kept him with me or in the regular nursery, and didn't tend to him and his labored breathing. Andrew had a funny cry and trouble breast feeding. I didn't know anything was wrong being a first time mom. I just was happy he was here. Andrew's second day of life, he turned blue right in front of the nurses and me. At this point he was rushed to the NICU - without us - curtains were closed - he was gone and within minutes nurses were calling us asking us questions and wanting permission to perform all sorts of tests - including a spinal tap. Dave and I went home that afternoon without our son. I never dreamed that I would have my baby and he wouldn't be coming home with us right away. That was the hardest thing. Andrew spent 14 days in the NICU - tests were run for everything. Dave and I would visit Andrew several times a day. I remember always being worried about where Andrew would be in the NICU when we would first arrive for our visits. Everything was out of our control for his care. Once again, being a first time Mom I trusted the care he was getting, but looking back I would have been way more on top of all of that. After all the tests - it was determined Andrew had bleeding throughout his brain, he was seizing many times a day. He could drink by bottle and actually looked to be one of the healthier babies in the NICU- being he was a big full term baby. We were told when we left the NICU (with many instructions for his care and directions to follow up with many specialty doctors) that Andrew "might have some balance troubles when he was older", "that we would look back at this time and laugh". Well, they were way wrong. Shame on them. Andrew had the classic signs of a brain damaged baby and looking back I believe they knew that. It is still unclear to this day as to why Andrew's brain bled.

The bad........ Over Andrew's first months at home were quite stressful. He cried constantly. He was so irritated all the time. Andrew did manage to smile, laugh and roll over on time, but that was it. Today, Andrew cannot sit, walk, talk or see very well. He has several seizures daily. There were many, many uneasy years - doctor visits around the country, tests, daily therapy, meetings and all sorts of worry and circumstances I wasn't even prepared for. There were years of hospital visits trying to figure out why Andrew was crying in pain, we were always worrying were we doing enough for him? Always thinking Andrew would reach that milestone to sit on his own. There was the unexplained vomiting periods several times a day. There were days when we would just feed him pizza because that's all he would eat. Andrew has been a guinea pig for at least 10 different seizures medicines, always bringing new worries and new seizure activity to his already turbulent life.

And now the good..... Andrew is now at a "stable" place. He is so handsome and always happy. He enjoys just sitting with you and enjoys the simple things. He has taught us to just relax and live life to the fullest everyday.

Within the last few years Andrew has started smiling again. One of my favorite memories is when our family was at the beach with our extended family all around. Our family was having lunch together at the table and Andrew started giggling and smiling for this first time in years. Dave and I had tears. We couldn't believe it. Our then 3 year old Amelia turned to me and said "Mom, Andrew's laughing!" Amelia and Ava then started laughing too. It was awesome! No one else in the room had any clue the simple joy that our family was experiencing at that one moment.

Andrew has been many places..... to Sanibel, FL so many times I've lost count, he's been to Yellowstone, Yosemite, Shennahdoah, Great Smokey Mountains, swimming with the Dolpins in the Florida Keys. He loves to swim, and ride horses, go for drives, walks and his favorite--to eat! Andrew needs our care 24/7, so his life is not like ours or our girls, but we try to make his life just as it would have been if he had not suffered his brain injury. Andrew goes to school M-F and enjoys it. He's around caring people that gear activities for kids like him. Andrew is nine now and growing more and more everyday. I couldn't imagine life without my living angel.

September Photos

Doctor Visit #3 - Down!

Yesterday, Dave met Andrew and I at my OB/GYN office. We waited in the lobby about an hour to be brought back to the sonogram room. The technician was able to perform the sonogram from my belly...... and still a heartbeat!! Woohooo! The baby is growing normally at this stage and is measuring at 9 weeks 5 days! We met with the doctor who gave me all of my blood/urine lab results - all normal. The technician took a prick of blood from my finger for the 11 week down syndrome/genetic screening testing which will be completed at the next appt. - Wed. - Oct. 1st.

Dave was very excited to see the baby and the beating heart on the sonogram. I'm happy that he's able to feel a bit more comfortable with all of this. He's been pretty gloomy about the whole thing - very uneasy with all of our past history. I myself am excited with each "milestone" appt. met, but still worry about the many hurdles I need to pass.

My belly is pretty bruised from the lovenox shots. The shots don't really hurt when given. I'm definately in the routine of a 7am and 7pm shot schedule. The technician recommended spreading out the shots on my abdomen further to try to avoid some of the bruising. Dr. Pinckert stopped me on the way out of the office to say hello and that he remembered me from some 6 years earlier. I kind of doubt he remembered our one appt. six years ago, but it was nice of him to say hello. I am counting on the care from his team to properly monitor all of this. For my own records - my weight was 155lbs - a few lbs more than my start weight. Hope I can keep meeting these hurdles which are really minor to most pregnant women. I hope to stay healthy.

An update on my kids......
Drew started another season of therapeutic horseback riding in Thurmont on Tuesday night. He used to ride on Saturday mornings, but we were moved to Tuesday nights, so Andrew could ride with a therapist and not ride alone. Now that he is so big, Andrew riding with a back rider seems more enjoyable to him and easier on us. He wasn't his singing self while riding. I think it's been awhile for him and he needed to get back in the saddle! Andrew and I went to The Frederick Fair on Wednesday with a school field trip. I enjoyed spending that time with him.

Amelia starts soccer tomorrow morning - we'll all go to cheer her on. This will be her first "sporty" activity. Not sure she even knows what soccer is!

How I Feel

Only a few people at this time know that I am pregnant. My belly is getting bigger. My clothes are feeling snug. I don't like that snug feeling around my belly and that feeling of a heavier belly. My belly getting bigger and heavier feels a bit silly at this stage being if the baby is growing normally it's the size of a lima bean or something.

I am always thinking about eating - which isn't unusual for me, but now all my food choices are mostly all healthy - again not like me! I have this huge appetite in my head, but can only eat a little at a time. I gag a lot and feel the best fix for that is to eat little bits at a time. I've gotten sick twice. This is a first for me. I hope that means things are working like they should. I haven't ever experienced morning sickness. I pretty much take a cat nap everyday -again not like me. I'm always busy with something.

On Saturday, Dave and I went together to have our blood drawn for the only test I think we haven't tested for over the years - Neonatal Alloimmune Thrombocytopenia. I was happy to see the same lab technician who had helped me earlier in the week, but soon got frustrated after an hour's wait - the test couldn't be done today - LabCorb doesn't have a code for this unique test. So, off to figure that one out. Today is week 9 of the pregnancy.

Over the weekend Amelia started Sunday School. There are three kids in her class. Maybe that's because she is going at 8a.m! Dave picked her up, and her teacher asked if she had a sister Ava. Dave said she did. The teacher told Dave that Amelia said she wanted to send Ava back to Guatemala. Great. That's a great thing to say in your first Sunday School class.

Where I Stand

So, it's been about four weeks since we discovered I am pregnant again. I knew right away, even before taking the test. The test was taken anyway around the 8th of August, and no surprise it was positive. I could tell. Like I said I knew. I was very tired - falling asleep in the afternoons while watching my nephew, eating different than I normally do- (a conscious effort to eat all healthy stuff - especially fruit - not like me!).

Even with these symptoms, our past experiences have shown me that even with all of this, it doesn't mean that there is a baby with a beating heart growing inside of me. I waited a week or so knowing that the heartbeat doesn't show on a sonogram until about the sixth week. I had decided awhile ago that if I were ever faced with a possible pregnancy again - that I would see a different doctor, just for char ma sake. I called a doctor's office where I had gone after Jacob's death. I explained my past pregnancy history and they agreed to see me in a week. At this point only Dave and I knew. The news wasn't exciting to shout to the world, but scary. We did decide that we would tell our friends. Just so, we could vent to someone other than each other. We did. My mom and brother were traveling to Hawaii on August 26th. I couldn't tell my mom this news and worry her on her trip, so I didn't. That was hard. I tell her everything.

I did go to the doctor on August 28th at 2:45. The sonogram was done originally on my belly. The technician did not see anything, so she administered an internal sonogram. Before doing this she told me to wait until the doctor came in so that they wouldn't have to do the test twice. Of course I waited in that freezing office -mostly nude, forever. Why did I get myself in this predicament again? Lots more tests and worries. Oh my. The doctor did finally come in and introduced herself. The technician performed the sonogram. They both said right away, yep there's the heartbeat. Heartbeat? No way?!!.. Wow! maybe this time will be different.

Oh, I didn't write about my night before the appt. yet... I was reading my Redbook magazine at bedtime. I have stacks of magazines by my bed. I don't really read them that regularly with three kids and all, but I did open this magazine and read up until the horoscope page. Okay, I'm not really into horoscopes, but this was weird.... It said, for Taurus.." Focus on your goals, deliver on your promises, and you'll birth a dream. The planets are pregnant with possibilities around the 22nd. Even if something seems too good to be true, it isn't! Don't let your pride swell, and accept help that is offered to you. By month's end you'll be holding a healthy, bouncing dream come true! In feng shui , there is a code called the Heart Secret. The code promises you can have whatever you want it you think about it before bed and as you awaken. Every morning this month, say your wish aloud. It'll be the ultra-sound you need to make your dreams come true!" I couldn't believe it. I told Dave to read it next. It was shocking to me! I thought, oh maybe all the horoscopes have to do with babies and birth, but no. Just Taurus. Wow that was strange.

Okay, back to the appt. Well, after going over stacks of my records which I had brought into the doctor, she agreed that I would need to start Lovenox shots (a blood thinner) - administered twice a day into my abdomen. While getting my explanation on how to administer myself a shot- Dave called. I told him. There's a heartbeat. He was a bit worried to say the least. I was a bit worried about giving myself shots twice a day. Yikes.

On, to one week later and 14 stinging Lovenox shots later. Oh yeah, and many bruises (14 to be exact) on my belly- the second sonogram appt. -September 5th at 11:30am. This time I had company. Andrew and Amelia were in school, so Ava and I nervously waited for another sonogram. Okay, Ava wasn't nervous. She was her cute self, always wanting to be the one "doctored" as she would say. Once again, a baby with a heartbeat and growing to match how many weeks I was on the sonogram. 7wks and 4 days. Oh my. I couldn't believe it. I got the sonogram picture to prove it. The doctor suggested I come back at 10 weeks for the next standard pregnancy tests and at that point we would also do a standard ob/gyn pregnancy exam. So, now to wait for 2 weeks.

At this point, this is where things stand.