Halloween

Happy Halloween!!! - 2008

This year we have Drew as a vacation traveler guy, Amelia as the beautiful ballerina, and Ava as the spooky, scary skeleton. The kids each had a party and trick or treating at their different schools this week. Tonight, the kids will go out up and down our street. It's warm this afternoon, hopefully it will stay that way!

Appointment Day

Yesterday was a doctor appointment day. Gloria (the same sonogram tech I've had since the start and I finally got her name) called me in. The usual appointment stuff - blood pressure 110/50, weight 160lbs..all good. When we started the actual sonogram, Gloria said that she should be able to tell the sex of the baby during this scan and asked if she could see did I want to know. I said yes, but asked her if she could just write down the sex so that Dave and I could look at it together that night. She said she would do that. First things first.... the baby is still doing good - 154 beats for heartbeat- the first "pose" of the baby today was with the hand in the air - waving. The baby was moving today - more than last week. Might have been the sugar in the ginger ale I was deliberately drinking before the appoinment....Gloria said the baby looked good and that it was measuring at 15 weeks 5 days - ahead of my 15 weeks 2 days - so good. She finished her job and then left to go get the doctor. She said she was pretty sure she had an accurate read on the sex of the baby.

The doctor came in and said "I hear we could see the sex of the baby!" I said, yes, but that Gloria was writing it down for me. She said, "Oh, I was almost going to tell you." So, she didn't tell me, but did start looking at the sonogram pictures - and right away said "there she's waving at you!". Then realized what she did. She hugged me and apologized a bunch for spilling the beans. I kind of thought really all along that the baby was a girl. I could even see for myself when the technician was looking down at that area. I can't tell a lot of what they are looking at usually with the sonogram, but during that part of it, it did seem like thats what I was looking at.

So anyways, the doctor mentioned that her "not to worry spot" from last visit was probably the placenta "clumped" up at the bottom of the uterus - covering my cervix - she called it placenta previa. Now, I have heard of that, but wasn't sure what it meant to me and this pregnancy. She said it was really only an issue, if I were to deliver vaginally. She said that a lot of times the placenta is down low and as my uterus expands, the placenta should expand and "move" a bit. The doctor also pointed out an area on the sonogram , called a "lake". If I understood correctly this was an enlarged blood vessel - she said she would watch it and "not to worry". Okay then....

I also had my blood drawn for the AFP levels. I am hoping that this will be an indicator as whether the placenta is working properly. She mentioned results would be back in 3 days or so. I have my next appointment in two weeks. Dave had been calling, and calling during the appointment. I called him right away and told him what happened - that I knew the sex of the baby, so he said to go ahead and tell him.

So, it's a GIRL!!!! WOW!!! Good news of course, but still have never ending worry for the 20+ weeks to come. I'm feeling a bit more eager to share our news with everyone.......I've tried to scan the letter and a sonogram picture.... let's hope it works! Tomorrow is Halloween.

Pregnancy #3 & Pregnancy #4

Have to make note of just one bitty thing this morning.....I am home ALONE! I have not been home alone for as long as I can remember....... I'm kind of liking this!!

As part of this blog, I did want to document all of my pregnancies. So here's what happened the third and fourth time I was pregnant:

Dave and I had been through even more testing after Jacob's death. We saw hematologists, urologists, pregnancy specialists, fertility specialists, genetic specialists, and so on.... All to come to the same conclusion that there was not an exact reason as to why I was having trouble with my pregnancies, but that it did look like a bleeding problem with me, so if I were to get pregnant again, putting me on the blood thinner -Lovenox would be the course of action. I had also coordinated my care with the specialists at Georgetown University Hospital. I was very pleased with the care and expertise that they were offering Dave and I.

So with this information, we did get pregnant again in the spring of 2003. We had moved into our new home here in Frederick and easily got pregnant. Took the pregnancy test which was positive and did make the appointment to see our specialist at Georgetown. I was told to come at 6 weeks pregnancy age because this is when a fetal heartbeat can first be seen on ultrasound. Well, I went to the appointment thinking nothing of it, but only to be told, that no heartbeat was seen and that this wasn't unusual - we might have been a week or so off in our timing. So, I was told to come back in a week. I did, and no heartbeat again. At this point it was determined I had a blyted ovum (sp?) (a pregnancy sac was formed, but no baby). The doctor gave me medication to stimulate contractions in hopes that the pregnancy would terminate on it's own. Well, it didn't. So after a week or so and more sonograms I was scheduled for a D&C. Dave stayed with Drew and my mom and I drove down to Georgetown very early for this surgical procedure. I came home to rest for the day. A fluke -my first miscarriage.

Dave and I waited a few months and found out we were pregnant again in July of 2003. So, off again to Georgetown Hospital at 6 weeks pregnancy age to find once again no heartbeat. Another blyted ovum. (sp?) This was more of a shock. Now, I am someone who has had several miscarriages as well as all of my previous troubles. I asked the doctor to just schedule the D&C. I didn't want to go through the waiting and medication again. Once again, my mom drove me down to Georgetown while Dave stayed with Drew and I had the procedure. Once again, more unanswered questions, but with all of this sadness to deal with Dave and I were led a different way to expand our family - something we desperately wanted.

My "PLAN"

After last week's appointment I figured it was about time for me to put my "PLAN" into action on how I lift Andrew as my pregnancy progresses. Up to this point when Dave isn't home I have been lifting Andrew (all 75lbs) of him out of bed in the mornings, then on to the chair glide, then carrying him into the family room for breakfast and getting him ready for school. None of that can be good for my pregnancy. I haven't been able to even bring myself to ask my doctor about lifting Andrew - I know it can't be good.

Several weeks ago I had ordered a patient lift system for Andrew. The lift allows for me to put Andrew in a sling on the floor or anywhere and I can pull a lever and up Andrew goes to wherever he needs to be. Also as part of the "PLAN", several weeks ago, Dave worked out a schedule with his boss that he could be home by 4pm ish to help me get Andrew out of his wheelchair after school.

Last week I got the call that the lift we ordered for Andrew had come in, so my mom, the kids and I drove to Cumberland this past Friday to pick it up. Dave and I practiced lifting all the kids and even I lifted Dave. We somewhat got the hang of it, but I need to practice more. The lifting just doesn't look right, but actually Andrew is very happy with it. His teachers at school have been lifting him in a device like this all school year, so he could care less - he's used to it. He probably prefers this kind of lift over Dave and I struggling to get a hold of him and carry him from place to place.

The biggest part of my "PLAN" was to clear out the dining room on the main level and buy a mattress for Andrew to sleep on. So we cleared everything out and set up a downstairs bedroom. This would eliminate all of the lifting for me, because Andrew would be on the main level. The lift will help me on the main level. We have a mattress for me to sleep on next to Andrew. I just don't like the idea of moving him downstairs, while we are all upstairs. I want to be near him.

Last night was our first night sleeping in our new arrangement. It went well, other than Andrew decided to "talk" to me and peak his head all around the place for about 3 hours from 10pm-1am. I'm a bit tired today, but relieved that I don't have to worry about how I'm going to get Andrew here or there. This whole thing has been worrying me for months, so I am happy to finally have everything into place..... Just have to keep thinking we can hopefully have our five months of this and get back to our normal again in April.

Doctor Appointment Update

I am 13 weeks/3 days pregnant.

Yesterday was a doctor appointment day. I received a call from the doctor's office in the morning to let me know that they did receive our chromosome test results and that they were all normal. It's my understanding that these tests would have shown if Dave and I had any defective genes or genes that would make me prone to miscarriages. So, the fact that these results were all completely normal is a great.

My appointment was in the afternoon. There was a letter waiting for me from the geneticist - copies of the chromosome tests and the results of the "BIG" test - Neonatal Alloimmune Thrombocytopenia (NATP) - the test that Dave and I had to have our blood drawn several times for. The blood was sent to a special lab in Wisconsin. This test might have given us the answer we have been looking for. If positive, it would have required a very vigorous therapy - my getting blood transfusions regularly throughout the pregnancy, but GOOD NEWS - NATP was not our problem. The test did show that Dave and I were very similar in our genetic make up (go figure), but that wasn't unusual and that we do have an incompatibility between mother and father for HPA-1b- however this is not uncommon..... So for this pregnancy, there would be no special therapy or treatment for NATP. I am relieved, but on the other hand would love to have an answer and a treatment for whatever causes problems with my pregnancies.

At my appointment, I was called back for my visit. First thing -my blood pressure reading -110/46, my weight 160 and the usual urine sample - which also tested fine. The same sonogram technician I've been seeing performed the sonogram. The ladies in the office are definately getting to know me and my worried ways, so first thing I hear is "yes, there's the heartbeat". Pheeeew, relief!! She then took measurements of the baby, looked for blood flow and gave me a few photos to take home to Dave. The baby is now measuring a week ahead.... I guess I should be happy as long as it isn't measuring a week behind. The technician said the measurements are sometimes hard to get and not to worry....The baby wasn't as active as it was on the last visit. Last visit it was so clear how the baby was kicking and moving his arms. I was worried about that, but she did tell me the baby goes through sleep and awake cycles, and she did have me cough which did stimulate the baby to move around. Also, the very first view I had of the baby today was with the baby's arms crossed over like in an "x" position over his chest. I thought that was neat.

The technician had me wait there for the doctor. The doctor came in and said the baby looked good, but she was focusing on the pictures of the placenta. Anybody who's had an ultrasound before kind of always gets that "talk", "the technician is not a doctor, your doctor will go over the results with you". So, I kind of just waited for her to speak and she pointed out an area on the placenta picture (which looked like nothing to me) she wanted to watch - she's worried it might be a clot. Great....clot.....not a clot....uuuuughhhhh...... Clots in the placenta stop blood/nutrient flow to the baby which means the baby will not get what it needs to grow. Not good. She did say I shouldn't worry about it, asked me if I had any bleeding - which I haven't. So off I was sent to not worry about a big possible worry..... Here goes the worrying......Don't get me wrong, I've been worried all along, but now something concrete to worry on. Knew that would be coming....

She did mention all the pap and culture tests from the last visit were normal and it was fine to see her in 2 weeks. In 2 weeks I will have a regular appointment and get the next set of blood tests (what I call the tri-screen). This may pick up any abnormalities if they are happening.

So, today here I am worrying. Wishing I had probed the doctor for more information on this area we are watching.

The Weekend Events

First thing Saturday Amelia had a soccer game. Come to find out soccer is not Amelia's "thing". She would just rather be social, then actually run after, or kick the ball. I do think she enjoys being part of the team though. We rushed home from the game so Dave could take the girls to cousin Bethany's first birthday party. While they were gone, I either had food poisining, stomach virus or just my nervous stomach which rears it's ugly head every so often. It wasn't pretty, but did only last a few hours.

Saturday night was my 20th High School Reunion. I graduated from Thomas S. Wootton High School in 1988. Dave and I went down to Bethesda for the reunion party - met some friends and ran into some people I haven't seen in quite awhile. It was fun to get out with Dave and have a night just for us. The photo of Dave and I above is at the reunion.

Sunday, as we've been doing for eight years now, we went to Jumbo's Pumpkin Patch in Middletown. The girls were much more cooperative with my photo craziness than in year's past. We found a few pumpkins, did the hay ride thing, and looked at the baby farm animals. It's an annual tradition that at some point Dave and I get frustrated with each other or the kids. This year was no exception. Above are some happy photos.

Jacob Daniel

Today is the day seven years ago I gave birth to our second son, Jacob Daniel. I wanted to write about my pregnancy with Jacob....so here goes.....

I was 30 years old and Dave and I figured we wanted another child a good year or so after having Andrew. We thought providing Andrew a sibling would help him and help us also to fill a void. We went through a lot of testing after Andrew's birth which led to no answers as to why Andrew was born the way he was. I, at that time believed that Andrew's birth was to blame being the labor was so long, my blood pressure was so low, Andrew's heart beat fluctuated, I pushed him out for over 3 hours and the doctors had to push him out of me using fundal pressure which seemed to have been done wrong. I, at the time, and sometimes still to this day believe Andrew's injuries were the result of all these things combined, so of course at the time when I got pregnant again I had to find a different doctor, different hospital. Everything had to be different.

So off I went to another doctor out at Montgomery General Hospital in Olney. I found this doctor through the recommendation of a friend who recently had given birth. I met with the doctor, liked her just fine and decided this arrangement would work. I was pregnant with a due date of December 31, 2001. Bad things can't happen twice. It would all be smooth sailing.

This doctor knew about Andrew's injuries and all of the testing after his birth. With my second pregnancy I did experience bleeding in the first few weeks (not uncommon). I did have the pre-natal screening tests at 15 weeks which indicated that this baby had a high likelihood of being born with Down Syndrome or a neural tube defect. So, I was told to visit a specialist. I did see the specialist and met with a genetic counselor. More specialized ultrasound tests did show this baby did have enlarged ventricles in the brain, kidney troubles and wasn't growing as it should have been. I was talked into getting the amniocentesis. This test revealed that the baby did not have Down Syndrome or a neural tube defect, so that was great news. The test also revealed with 100% certainty that we were having another boy. The ultrasounds though remained grim. The baby was growing, but not matching the amount of weeks I was pregnant. The enlarged ventricles were at the high end of the normal range, but weren't right. Things just weren't right, but it just didn't register that the baby was in serious distress.

At about 27 weeks, I went for a routine pregnancy exam. My doctor discovered that I had higher than normal blood pressure and I had a minimal amount of protein spilling into my urine. Two bad signs. The doctor sent me home. Told me to take it easy and get a 24 hour urine sample done immediately. Well, before I could even finish that test I was told to check myself into Montgomery General Hospital. I did and was told that I would be there until the baby was born. My first night in the hospital after some testing, I was woken in the middle of the night and told that I would have to be taken by ambulance to Holy Cross Hospital. They have a NICU that could handle the baby I was going to have to deliver immediately. I was started on a drug called Magnesium Sulfate which makes you very groggy and very out of sorts. I was very sick - being diagnosed with severe HELLP syndrome (pre-ecclampsia).

Jacob Daniel was born the next day by c-section weighing under 2lbs. He was tiny, but seemed strong when he was born. I was taken back to recover from the c-section. Jacob was so tiny he needed to be in an isolette, on a ventilator and connected to all kinds of monitors. Things were basically a blur for me. I know I got to see Jacob one night, but just by having a nurse wheel me to the NICU where I could look into his isolette. Man, he was so small. Usually the birth of the baby rids you of the pre-ecclampsia. But no, mine came back, so I had to be put back on that horrible medicine Magnesium Sulfate. Within a day or so I was told that Jacob wasn't doing well at all. His brain had worse bleeding than Andrew's and he was already having seizures and was in serious distress. The doctors told us if he lived at all he would be more severely disabled than our Andrew.

We were advised to discontinue life support on October 10, 2001. We were asked if we wanted to hold him while this was done. We said no. My greatest regret in life to date. I didn't hold my son as he took his last breath. Instead, they discontinued life support and carried him to us across the hall from the NICU in a blanket. You wouldn't even have known that all that was happening. The halls were bustling with healthy new babies and happy times. Jacob was brought to us already blue. We said our goodbyes and cried.

The doctors told us his life would maybe bring us some answers as to how we could help Andrew. An autopsy was performed, tests were done and still no clear explanation as to why all of these things had happened, except the simple explanation from doctors that maybe "god was trying to tell us something". I stayed in that hospital a few more days. Was moved to a room where I could be alone and not with other mothers who were getting to know their newborns. My last day of my hospital stay, I discovered the nurses had placed a piece of paper on the door to my room. - a white rose with a tear. This would tell anyone entering that I was not in my room with my brand new baby. That room was occupied by someone in mourning.

We buried Jacob with our families by our side at a cemetery with all other deceased babies. I thought going home without Andrew after his birth was hard, but having to go home after burying our baby was even harder. So hard to have to explain to people who didn't even know I had given birth that I had, and our boy was already gone.

These few days in October are always tough. I have no problems with speaking about Jacob. I want people to know he was here and that Andrew has a brother and that Dave and I have a second son, but I have discovered this kind of story isn't one you can tell in general conversation. Jacob is our Angel who is watching over us always.

Drew & Amelia

ANDREW - has been working with the same physical therapist now for about 8 years. This past spring the office got a new piece of equipment. The Liko track system consists of rails on the ceilings with a "hook" attached to a harness. The track system allows the person using it to walk unassisted all over the room. The user can turn 350 degrees and change direction with ease. The person is strapped into the harness and then suspended from the track system. Andrew's use of gait training equipment has varied throughout the years. There used to be a time when I thought he would even walk on his own, but no. He isn't always happy strapped into this type of equipment, but he LOVES this track system. He has been using it for months now and is usually always very happy. He laughs, smiles, screams with joy. It's just great to see him so happy and to be working his legs. Above is a photo of my happy big man.

AMELIA - The other thing I wanted to write about was Amelia's Saturday night bed time. I was putting her to bed and noticed her favorite toy (she's always got with her and sleeps with), her drawing magna doodle. She's always drawing whales - another favorite of Amelia. She usually won't tell you what she has drawn - always says she doesn't want to say, but this time, I had to hear her explanation of what I was looking at. She told me it was a Mommy with a baby in her belly. And it was! So funny. Dave and I haven't really discussed this pregnancy with the kids. Dave has mentioned it to Amelia when she asks why my belly is getting big and why I am gagging all the time. I didn't think she was really listening to Dave, but she was. I tried to get a photo - see above - oh yeah, and that photo shows Amelia's "game face."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AVA!!!!

Ava turned 3 on October 3rd. We celebrated with a family party on Friday and today with a party with more family and friends. Ava really enjoys "The Little Mermaid" now, so this was her party theme. We made princess crowns, had a pinata, pizza and cake.

Ava loves all her presents and really seemed to enjoy her day. Above are some pictures of our big 3 year old!

Oh My!

Didn't realize how much I said "Oh my!" until I started writing this.

My doctor appointment was yesterday. I was called back immediately by the same sonogram tech who did my very first sonogram. She performed the sonogram and right away you could see the baby kicking and moving all over the place. I asked her if there was a heartbeat. She said yes, it's moving isn't it? Oh my! I asked about the measurements. I was told, the baby's measuring at 11 weeks 6 days. Oh my! She checked the nuchal fold for the down syndrome screening. She said it looked good, but the genetic counselor would go over the information with me. Oh my! All in all everything looks normal at this stage. Oh my! The tech said she had to plug the measurements into the computer with my blood hormone levels which were taken at the last appointment.

(Next came typical exam stuff....) I had my blood pressure checked - 112/46, and my weight - 159 1/2lbs. I then had to endure the pelvic exam and pap smear and other culture tests. It all went smoothly. Those results should be back in about a week. The only bad news was the specialized blood test which was ordered the second week of September (NATP) was not performed accurately. So, yes Dave and I have to get our blood re-drawn for this test. It will be the second time for me and the third for Dave - for just this test alone!!! bad Lab Corp.....

I then met with the genetic counselor. The standard of care would be to have any woman over the age of 35 (advanced maternal age) to be screened for down syndrome/genetic abnormalities. According to statistics, a woman age 38 had a 1/123 chance of having a baby with down syndrome. My chances before the screening were 1/118 (about average), but after the screening my chances are now 1/257. I am still testing in the "positive - more suspicious" range, but the "normal risk range" numbers would be 1/300 chance and above. So....... my numbers got better which is great, but the discussion led to what should I do next? Amnio?, additional screening at 15-18 weeks? I opted for the additional screening at 15-18 weeks - which is a simple blood test to check hormone levels. Although this test has a lot of false positives (I've heard many women be screened and be told their risks were greater and they had healthy children), I would ask for this test to be done regardless because this was the first major indicator in Jacob's pregnancy - telling me somthing wasn't right (more on that later).

So, once again I left the office with good news. Wished Dave had come because he would have been so happy to see how active the bitty baby growing inside of me is. Dave and I will get our blood re-drawn today for the NATP test. My next doctor appointment is scheduled for October 15th at 2:15pm. Keeping my fingers crossed for continuing good news.

Off to bring Ava to her first pre-school orientation. She's been ready to go since 7am! She'll be 3 tomorrow!!